Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
