'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
