enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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