Your tits are I can't wait for
i barfeds in our rink
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
