I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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