Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
