If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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