What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
