when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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