If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
