you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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