Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
