I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
