I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
