A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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