god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
