Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize