So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
