Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
