I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
whose parrot is this?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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