My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
