Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
