Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
