the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
