i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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