i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
