All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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