Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
