went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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