i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
