That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
