And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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