So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Randomize
