Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
