Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
