your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
