If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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