I must be too annoying 4 u.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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