i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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