Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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