Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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