you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
