Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
