wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
