gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
