Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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