My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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