I want to stick my p in your. b.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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