Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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