How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
