My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
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