u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
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You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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