life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
