Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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