With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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