I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
