dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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