i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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