Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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