Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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