Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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