Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
well you can't waste a boner
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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