mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
