That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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