I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
