apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
