We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
only you would photoshop your dick
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
