3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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