Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
