so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
