its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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