He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
