He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
