He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
