five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
