Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
as a side note pls kill me
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
