I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
