Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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