i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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